Welcome to My AIDS/LifeCycle Homepage

I'm Riding to End AIDS and get financial support for people like myself that need help from friends and family to survive.

From May 31-June 6, 2009, I'm bicycling in AIDS/Life Cycle. It's a 7-day, 545-mile bike ride from San Francisco to Los Angeles to make a world of difference in the lives of people like myself living with HIV and AIDS.

I've come a long, long way in such a short time, all due to your support. You've all boosted my spirit, made me a better and healthier person...I would not be here if it wasn't for each and every one of you.

Pete

The Most Important Job In My Life

Help me support the San Francisco AIDS Foundation by giving what you can. We'll keep riding until AIDS and HIV are a thing of the past.

Someday I hope to return the favor...

ALC 8 Blog: A Fresh start!

ALC 7 Paso Robles: Utopia, Epiphany and Self Forgiveness
....... On June 3rd, 2008 at 8:30 pm in a huge dining hall, as hundreds of new found friends in this great Utopian society cheered for me with all their hearts...The tears began to flow. The dam had been broken. I had finally found forgiveness. Self-forgiveness. I experienced an overwhelming epiphany! I was floating within a beautiful deeply spiritual group hug, by the hundreds of people who really truly cared........



I released the shame, the guilt and embraced the love. From all these beautiful souls that had given so much of themselves for such a fantastic cause.

It all began eight months before...
.......On October 3rd, 2007 on a beautiful warm sunny afternoon in a San Francisco General Hospital clinic, on an examining table, flat on my back. I was dehydrated with a dangerously rapid heart beat, full body rash and high fever. I had been on anti-biotics for PCP Pneumonia and major infection. I had just received a diagnosis of full blown AIDS with a CD4 count below 200.

Without immediate treatment I was very close to probably leaving the planet within a few days. What a predicament! I was frightened beyond belief. I hated myself. If I could have killed myself right then, I would not have hesitated for one moment. Completely lost with no one to turn to. My life had been a constant fight with the demons. The battle had been lost! I had no control. All there was to look forward to was a dark foreboding future, and finally the peace in the black velvet darkness of death.

Days before I remembered how sad I was when I sat with Cathy at the Pine Cone Diner in Pt. Reyes Station and looked in her eyes and out to the hills with the inner knowledge that this may be the last time I experience a moment like this. I could never forgive myself for letting this happen. No one to blame... The childhood abuse, the emotional problems I could never deal with. The alcohol gene that had claimed my mother, uncles, aunts and close friend. Phobias and much more. I was a mess of life. A complete fuck up! I had no one to blame but myself.

I was so jealous of those in my life who seemed normal, almost boring, happy with themselves. Some part of me hated them. I was envious. Why God! WTF!

I was completely disarmed by the most wonderful doctors, nurses and counselors that worked with me in Ward 86. They did not judge me. They really cared for me and understood what I was going through. They had experience and anticipated how I would probably deal with this mess. They saved me from myself and got me pointed in the right direction. Finally someone understood what I was going through. They helped me deal with health, finance, and plenty of emotional support was to be had.


I've been given the opportunity to enter a adult study for Aids Meds, which has really saved me financially. That would have killed me. I now have insurance which I didn't have before.


I really threw myself into my bike. I used Lance Armstrong as my model. I was happy to live but knew the struggle ahead of me was great. Having the bike club with it's social benefits and athletic challenges kept me focused more than you could ever imagine. I was able to express myself and I felt myself growing in so many ways. Slowly I was healing.

ALC7 was my biggest challenge. I suck at soliciting funds, so I sold my car to make up the difference.
I'm ready and doing much better now thanks to all of you who have helped me.

My AIDS/LifeCycle Blog

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