A reminder of the immense challenge we face
I had a tough ride over the weekend that left me a bit discouraged. At first I thought, isn't this always supposed to be fun and wonderful? And then in one big "ah-ha" moment it hit me that I wouldn't even be out here biking if it weren't for the enormous challenge at hand, which is fighting to end HIV/AIDS.

In the first village in which I lived in Tanzania, the village leaders and community members were very supportive of us volunteers being in their village spreading awareness about HIV/AIDS. But there was still a sense of denial that HIV/AIDS could possibly exist in their particular community now or ever. During me and my team's time in the village of Patanumbe, we traipsed across every square mile of the village boundaries to teach and discuss the causes of HIV and the ways to prevent and treat HIV/AIDS. In doing so, we encouraged all the villagers to come to our free testing day to empower themselves and their community by knowing their status. Testing is very important because people find out their status, they start to break down the stigma on getting tested, and it may encourage them keep getting tested again and again after having been put in a risky situation where transmission of the virus may have occurred.

On testing day, only about 30 of the several thousand villagers showed up to know their status; almost two-thirds of whom were our 10-15 year old students, whose risk of having HIV was almost zero. At the end of the day, no one tested positive. My "baba" (or host dad), who didn't get tested, asked how the testing day went and if anyone in Patanumbe was HIV-positive. I said no one tested positive, but so few people came to the testing day that I did not feel like the event was a success. His face lit up and he remarked "No Sarah, this is fantastic news. This means that Patanumbe is free of HIV/AIDS, which I knew all along." He had been to our community teachings, yet the likely reality that HIV/AIDS did in fact exist in his community had yet to penetrate the denial and stigma he had put up around the virus. And although he didn't say this explicitly, I implied from this pleased remark that as long as he held on to the denial and the stigma, there was no reason that the people of Patanumbe needed to change their behavior to reduce their risk of transmission to HIV/AIDS.

I don't want people to depressed by this stark reality, but instead remember that this is a challenge. There are going to be good days and bad days, as there should be when we are working to fight a global epidemic. All we can do is keep fighting, and we will do so until there is a cure.

by Sarah Holmgren on Fri, Mar 26, 2010 @ 3:32 PM

 Permanent Link   No Comments 

How does this ALC community come to be so darn positive all the time?
ALC really feels like it is in full swing now! Last weekend I did my first bike ride going up and over White's Hill out to Lagunitas. Being on the bike for over 50 miles gave me that adrenaline rush of the AIDS/LifeCycle quickly approaching. My fundraising is also taking off, with the loving support of my family and friends trickling in. Once again, I just feel very grateful that I am able to take my bike out on a shockingly beautiful Sunday, receive support from loved ones, and reconnect with the many friends I made participating in last year's ALC and meeting new ones this year-- and all in the spirit of the AIDS/LifeCycle.

Last year throughout my training leading up to the LifeCycle, I saw many people repeatedly on training rides. Some became close friends of mine, others continue to be friendly acquaintances, some I never had the pleasure of meeting. Through the struggles and the triumphs that come with signing up for this challenge ride, the community of riders always remains warm and supportive. Take for example last year's Jon Pon ride. The Jon Pon ride is an annual 2-day bike ride raising funds for the Positive Pedalers, a group of HIV-positive riders eliminating stigma through their positive public example. On the first day of the ride, we rode 65 treacherous miles from San Francisco to Monte Rio in a constant downpour of rain. Upon arriving at our campsite in Monte Rio, it looked like we were in for an interesting night with the clouds looming overhead. But by the warmth emanating from the hearts of the cyclists on the Jon Pon ride, you never would have known a drop of rain had fallen from the sky.

So it made me wonder, how does this AIDS/LifeCycle community come to be so darn positive and welcoming all the time? After spending more and more time with this group on training rides, at SF AIDS Foundation events, on the actual AIDS/LifeCycle the answer started to emerge. It starts with one person on a rainy bike ride in late May radiating with positive energy, and then all those around that person find that energy to be addicting and build off of it. Then there is another person new to cycling and struggling through every single mile of a training ride, but keeping a huge smile on her face and never giving up. And when a seasoned rider goes zipping past her, her determined smile makes that seasoned rider hang back to make it to the top of the hill with her. Or the older couple who follow the AIDS/LifeCycle from San Francisco to Los Angeles waiting at the top of the toughest hill each and every day to cheer on the speedy rider charging through first thing in the morning to the very last rider determined to ride through every mile. And finally there is the rider that goes up the toughest hill of the 7 day-event not one, not two, but three times for each of the loves that he has lost to this epidemic.

One person who sticks out in my mind as someone who has encouraged me to give it my all is a kind rider named Paul. Last year, I saw Paul on many of my training rides, never getting a chance to meet him but knowing I wanted to. He had the loveliest smile and the kindest eyes. He had such a light and approachable err to him and a genuine essence that radiates off of very few people. I finally met Paul at the Jon Pon ride, and then spent some time with him on the ride. Paul is an individual who drives the spirit behind the AIDS/LifeCycle community. I don't have a groundbreaking story of our connection or the inspiration he gave me through his stories, because what is so special about Paul is simply his way of being. People like him have encouraged me to always be a fighter for the things that I care about, and do so in a way that radiates positive energy to everyone around me. So with the spirit of the AIDS/LifeCycle beaming in my heart, I am ready to take on the challenge of the HIV/AIDS epidemic, doing all that I can to chip away the stigma, the denial, and the roadblocks that so many people face in being exposed to the virus. I encourage you to let the spirit catch you too.

by Sarah Holmgren on Thu, Feb 25, 2010 @ 4:40 PM

 Permanent Link   No Comments 

Inspiration from my first training ride leaders
It is a joke amongst me and some of my close cycling friends that I am jovially referred to as the "train wreck" of the group. I wanted to retell the story of how I came to be known as the train wreck and how this reference actually highlights one of the most wonderful aspects of the ALC experience.

I decided I was going to participate in ALC8 in October of 2009. I had learned how to ride my bike when I was 4 or 5 years old but had never rode for more than a 30-minutes jaunt around my neighborhood. But I'm an athletic person and dedicated to the cause so I was certainly up for the challenge. I arrived at a beginner's training ride in the Presidio on a cheery Saturday morning wearing my mesh basketball shorts, an oversized ratty t-shirt, my running shoes with knee-high socks, and my clunky hybrid bike. Anyone who knows about cycling can name something so wrong with each of those elements, and is probably beginning to think "Now I get why she got the nickname of the train wreck." But it gets worse! The "beginner" group looked a lot different than I did decked out in sleek road bikes, the complete cycling wardrobe, computers...But I kept my cool and figured since I was already there, I might as well give it a shot. The first ride was exhilarating riding over the Golden Gate Bridge, staying apace with more seasoned riders for almost 30 miles, listening to first-hand tales of the AIDS/LifeCycle from veteran riders, and the best part of all meeting Logan and Paolo, the two training ride leaders who guided me through every step of that first ride. Logan and Paolo greeted me with friendly smiles, they made appoint to check in with me throughout the ride, they gave me tips on what gear to buy and what skills I should practice. Their demeanor was in no way impatient or demeaning but rather genuine and encouraging. I left that first training ride with 30 miles under my belt, a host of tips and resources, a dozen friendly names and faces telling me they looked forward to seeing me the following Saturday.

Now here is where you think I would say: "And I came back next week prepared, having executed all of the tips that I had received the previous Saturday." Unfortunately this was not the case. Come Saturday morning, I arrived to the training ride in worse shape than the week before. I still wore my mesh shorts, but this time I downgraded even further arriving with a flat tire, $5, and no water. Nevertheless, Logan and Paolo taught me how to fill air in my tires, lent me a water bottle, and we were off. Approximately 5 miles into the ride, my tire blows. Paolo is at my side almost instantly...where did he come from? It turns out I didn't just have a flat tire to start the ride that morning, my tire had a deep cut in it and would need to be replaced permanently...and asap! Paolo taught me a good trick; we stuck a ClifBar wrapper in the tire and filled it with air to keep it full until we reached a bike shop. With the tire properly prepared, Paolo and I set out to catch up with the group. Man, my legs were burning charging through Mill Valley at 9 mph (note to those of you who don't ride a bike, this is very very slow). We're making up ground when first I get another flat tire followed by Paolo getting a flat. With patience and kindness, Paolo teaches me three times how to change a flat tire. Once again he tells me plenty of other tips, which are starting to take root in my brain. Cycling could be that much more enjoyable if I was properly prepared. At one point, he delicately hints at us turning around since we are at this point so far behind the group. The idea caused my eyes to well up with tears. I really wanted to do the LifeCycle and I already felt so behind from the rest of the group. I was determined to complete that ride. We charge onwards.

So we finally get to the halfway turn-around point; Logan is waiting cheerfully since he is the "sweep." All of the other riders are probably back in San Francisco, showered and drinking a martini at this point. For the 15 miles back to San Francisco, I had two personal trainers at my side Paolo leading the way in front of me and Logan cheering me on behind me. We safely made it back to SF with no further problems. It was 4:30 and the sun was peeking in the sultry October sky, families were returning home from their Saturday outings. We had set out that morning at 9 am for a 30 mile bike ride and were returning 7.5 hours later. And what did Logan and Paolo tell me before we parted ways that lovely afternoon? They encouraged me to come back the next week, and that is precisely what I did.

So I kept coming back to ride every single Saturday. The next week my tires were pumped up and my bike shorts were on. It still took me several months to get a proper road bike and a few months more to transition to clipped-in pedals, but I kept coming back and the Logan's and the Paolo's of the AIDS/LifeCycle continued to multiply. There was Julie and Angelo, Paul and Kurt, Andrew and Tom, Briana and Tessa, Shannon and Molly, Kevin and Laura, and so many others. When I rode in to LA on June 6 last year, Logan congratulated me with a big hug saying "You know, when I first met you, I thought Oh my goodness, this girl is a total train wreck. But you've turned out to be such a strong rider and I'm excited to do the ride again with you next year." So that is where I got the name 'train wreck.' I will continue to wear the name proudly as it reminds me of the wonderful spirit that is this AIDS/LifeCycle community.

by Sarah Holmgren on Wed, Feb 10, 2010 @ 6:20 PM

 Permanent Link   No Comments 

Spreading the word and the love
Equally important as the WHY I am participating in the AIDS/LifeCycle is reflecting on HOW this particular event is an effective way for me to fight this good fight. Well, the short answer is two-pronged: recognize the talents that I do have and put them to good, and the mantra that every little bit counts.

I have been very fortunate to travel a lot in the first 24 years of my life - moreso than the majority of people in my own community do in a lifetime. Through my travel experiences, I have gained an appreciation and understanding of different cultures and a passion to get out there and talk to people about their cultural perceptions of how the world works. In Tanzania, the first lesson that was really nailed down in my head was that our awareness and prevention efforts were going to be useless if we did not first understand the culture in which we were operating.

For example, in rural Tanzanian villages, the village chief is a highly respected figure; every member of the community, even those that live a 4-hour walk across desert grasslands from the "village center," know and honor this leader. As an educator coming into this community, the first and most important task was to make sure we had the support and blessing of the village leader to educate his community. And going a step further, our success in that village could be characterized by how much the village leader participated in our trainings, informal discussions, and testing days. Coming from a liberal California background seven years into the Bush administration, I would never have assumed the importance of the local leader in advancing an HIV awareness campaign. Having had that experience, it is now second-nature for me to not to make any assumptions as to how people operate in their local and native setting. So my value add to this good fight is that I want to get out in the community and understand what cultural and societal circumstances put some people at risk to contract and spread HIV.

The AIDS/LifeCycle rides 545 miles through lesser populated areas of California spreading a positive message. As we ride through different towns, we come into contact with a number of people who tell us how our presence and education in riding through their town has taught them the risky behaviors and the behavior changes that can eliminate that risk; schoolteachers have told us that children have shown more compassion to diversity after seeing our colorful group come through sharing our stories of how the epidemic has destroyed the lives of so many of our loved ones; and the stories go on. Spreading awareness to a diversity of communities is where I can add value to overcoming the HIV epidemic.

In addition to getting the word out there to as many people as possible, a concurrent step is to foster a safe community where people are not afraid to get tested, are able to confidently ask their loved ones to get tested and be preventative, can realize their HIV+ status and not feel isolated and helpless, and feel empowered to take a stand against this virus and any other injustice that they see in their society. The AIDS/LifeCycle community is just about the most inspiring and unparalleled depiction of what a compassionate community should look like that I have ever seen. Those 7 days on ALC were a microcosm of how a peaceful world should look like - and it was a beautiful thing to know that a peaceful world can exist because it does each year for the 2,500+ participants of the AIDS/LifeCycle. The community built in 7 days spills out onto the streets of San Francisco and Los Angeles for the 358 other days of the year. Once one becomes part of that community, it is hard to imagine ever living without it, and you want everyone you know and love to have access to it too, or something of its equivalent. Sounds pretty irresistible, doesn't it? And it's based completely on genuine compassion. To be part of that; to help it grow and reach more people...Whoa! That alone makes me feel very proud and is something I will continue to be part of.

It has been a wonderful exercise to me personally to reflect on why I do this and how I am taking baby steps to make this world a place that is driven by love not hate, understanding not intolerance, and hope rather than despair. I'm looking forward to this journey as it continues to evolve.

by Sarah Holmgren on Mon, Jan 25, 2010 @ 3:26 PM

 Permanent Link   No Comments 

Why I am here today riding with ALC
I've taken some time to reflect on why I dedicate myself to this cause.

There are many different causes in this world that deserve the smartest, most dedicated people pouring their compassion and intelligence into eradicating the suffering of people and other living things around the world. But each of us cannot tackle everything, and can be more effective by focusing our creative energy on just a few of the world's woes. HIV/AIDS has come to be one of the few causes where I choose to dedicate my problem-solving energy, and it came to be rather serendipitously. In college, my dear friend Dana, who is continuously inspiring me with her aspirations to change the world, became involved in a small NGO called Students for International Change (later renamed Support for International Change, or SIC). SIC is a non-profit started by several ambitious college students wanting to eliminate the public health crisis of the HIV/AIDS epidemic in Sub-Saharan Africa. They developed a program based out of the town of Arusha in northern Tanzania to train local Tanzanians and US volunteers to lead awareness and teaching campaigns in Tanzanian villages. This involved teaching a regular curriculum in schools, organizing info events in a diversity of locations in the community (women's groups, churches, soccer teams, neighborhood groups, village leaders, etc.), providing free testing days, training community health workers to remain in the communities after the volunteer groups left, and more. The organization itself seemed to have a strategic and ambitious theory of change, but Dana's personal experiences working on the ground in Tanzania really inspired me get involved.

From there, I became more knowledgeable about the epidemic. I read "And the Band Played On," which is a fantastic and truly heartbreaking account of the early stages of the epidemic. It seemed absolutely tragic and inhumane that a number of politicians, doctors, government officials, public health organizations, and civil society allowed this epidemic to spread so voraciously because it was affecting populations deemed at the time to be pariahs of our society. I felt I had to participate in this cause to do whatever I could to right the wrong of the past.

Upon graduating from college, it seemed like a natural decision to go to Tanzania to volunteer with SIC. I will get into some of the experiences I had in Tanzania in a later entry, but to sum it up, it changed my life, and hopefully altered the lives of the people of Patanumbe and Mzimuni, the two villages where I lived and educated for 3 months. On the one hand, it was a tremendously valuable learning experience to be on the ground seeing how the HIV epidemic proliferated in urban centers and rural communities, the cultural challenges to educating the masses on effective prevention, and the various roadblocks that prevented the best treatments from penetrating into the local public health systems. In a different way, this experience brought to light that, in order to successfully overcome the HIV epidemic, it goes beyond finding a cure. It involves creating access to public health services for all people; ensuring basic human rights and social welfare to all people including enough food to eat, water to drink, and public schools to attend; appreciation of diversity in terms of gender, ethnicity, sexual orientation, and so on. That second point is what gave me the "AH-HA" moment where I knew I would continue to fight for this cause; because in supporting this cause, we are contributing to all of those other causes. I am a very holistic thinker and I cannot separate one cause from how it is interrelated with so much else that we do.

Finally, I think we all have a responsibility as citizens on this Earth - to be stewards working towards a better world, whether it directly affects our everyday life or not. That may sound really mushy, but it is not my intention in the slightest to make it sound mushy. Instead, that seems like downright common sense to me. When I take a step back and think about it, I can't imagine what right I think I would have to just go about my own business taking resources from the Earth and enjoying my good fortune without seeing how I fit into the whole. The more resources I have access to - be it natural resources, financial resources, emotional resources - equates to someone else who is lacking those same resources. So whether my life is purposely turned upside down by the HIV epidemic is not the point.
And I hope this sense of humility stays with me for the rest of my life. I befriended a wise man in Tanzania named Efrem, who told me in his broken English: "We are more than just ourselves." Those are words that I try to live by each and every day.

So that is the WHY. Why I am here today riding with ALC.

by Sarah Holmgren on Tue, Jan 12, 2010 @ 12:09 PM

 Permanent Link   No Comments 

My first ever blog!
Welcome to my blog! I wanted to do a blog while preparing for the AIDS LifeCycle, but I procrastinated myself out of it. This time around, I really want to capture my experiences in participating in the ALC community both for my personal use and to share with the family and friends who support me in my pursuits to do what I can to make this world a little friendlier! This is not going to be a literary masterpiece with groundbreaking insights, but it will give you an idea of my journey why I am doing this to begin with, some great memories that I have from ALC8 and my time volunteering in Tanzania, my new love for cycling, and more. So I encourage everyone to follow along; always feel free to comment on my blog posts or follow up with me via e-mail (sarah.s.holmgren@gmail.com) if you would like to chat any further.

by Sarah Holmgren on Thu, Jan 07, 2010 @ 5:01 PM

 Permanent Link   No Comments